So Many Cliffs, So Little to Do

Offtopictim car off cliff

Look out!

In case you haven’t noticed, which is hard to do since it’s the top story on the news EVERY. DAMN. DAY., the U.S. is heading toward a cliff. It’s like Toonces the Driving Cat is in control of our country, just turning that wheel from side to side, minding his own business.

It’s going to be the end of us all. Post-Mayan apocalypse. Armageddon. End of days. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes… Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria! Dead rising from the graveContinue reading

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Christmas: What’s In It For Santa?

No rest for the weary. Time to get started on 2013!

Well, it’s Christmas. And that means that Santa is making the rounds to the kids who have been nice all year, and honestly to the ones who have been a bit naughty as well because parents love their kids no matter how much of a pain in the ass they have been. For instance, when I was a kid, Santa still came and gave me presents even after I used wire cutters to cut all my dad’s extension cords and used a hammer and flat-head screwdriver to chisel at the tile in my parents’ basement, and countless other dumb-ass things (all in the same year) because I saw someone doing it and I thought it looked cool.  Continue reading

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Ladies and Gentlemen: It’s Time to Panic!!!!

Today, I’m taking a moment from my busy life of social media consulting (Total Engagement Media), Cocktails & Movies, online dating writing, and being sick to bring you this message:

Offtopictim Panic

Hit it! You know you want to!

With all due respect to Douglas Adams, IT’S TIME TO PANIC!!! There is so much going on in this world right now, you can take your pick on what disaster will be your ultimate demise. From economic apocalypse, to ancient Mayan prophecies, rogue nation states and stray asteroids, to the super solar flares and climate change, there is a good chance that your number is up. You just don’t know it.

Let’s discuss:

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