Category Archives: My creations

Where you can see what I’ve been working on!

Horror Film Awareness and Survival.

Only you can save yourself if you ever find yourself in a horror film…

So excited!

With the impending return of “American Horror Story: Asylum” and “Walking Dead” next month, I thought it might be a good idea to prep all my readers to understand when they’re in a horror film, how best to survive it, and be the survivor who regales movie executives with the tale in order to sell the movie rights so that they can put themselves in a similar situation for the sequel.

I’ve written on the topic of disaster survival and a zombie apocalypse in a previous blog. Where that blog touched on prepping before and surviving after an apocalypse, today’s blog will touch on general horror movie moments that will help you recognize when you’re in a horror movie situation. But, I won’t just leave you there like some local townie that gets off on watching the tourists struggle for survival. No, I’ll give you suggestions on what to do when you recognize your imminent peril and how to keep yourself alive and sell the movie rights.

Whether it’s who you are, where you are, the weather or just things seem off, here are some ways to recognize and survive. Continue reading

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How To Get What You Want: Shaking Off “Oulda” Bombs

How to get what you want by ridding yourself of woulda’s, coulda’s and shoulda’s

how to get what you want - get rid of the oulda bombI was all set this weekend to begin forming my new company, a social media writing company for those small businesses that don’t have the time to capitalize on their social media presence because they are either too busy or they don’t understand the finer points of writing to market themselves organically.  I stayed out of trouble and minus the late arrival time to my pillow on Sunday morning, I got to bed early. I was full of ideas – names, strategies, topics, businesses I wanted to reach out to, and a schedule; I had it all worked out and was ready to attack!

Then, I opened my email Sunday morning and there it was: One of those emails we all hate to get. It was an email that might as well have been in flashing red letters. It wouldn’t have affected me more if a Western Union telegram messenger dropped it off on my front doorstep. It would end up throwing me off my game all day Sunday and throw me into alternate states of panic and ennui. It was an “oulda” bomb.

What is an “oulda” bomb, you ask?

An “oulda” bomb is anything that makes you reevaluate decisions in your life and distracts you from how to get what you want. It can be as innocuous as friends telling you that they are lucky to have bought that Apple stock back in 2000 at $12 a share. Or a phone call from a bill collector asking at what point they can expect payment on that credit card; you know the card with the balance that has two pages of line items from that weekend in Las Vegas months ago…? Sometimes, they can be of your own making such as kicking yourself for not taking the chance to talk to that woman who was eyeing you at the BBQ – the one who turned out to be the heiress to that real estate fortune with properties in the Caribbean, Australia, and SE Asia…?

But, my “oulda” bomb was just an innocuous SPAM email that was sent to me because I just happened to be on a list somewhere.

Thank you, Ourtime Dating, for dropping the “oulda” bomb on me this weekend

Please note that I am NOT 50 or older. I am however, single. I am on other dating sites and have had some luck here and there with them. I’ve had the privilege of dating some quality women, a few of whom I was actually close enough with to believe that I might marry them, settle down and have kids if I would have if I had done things differently. As I sat on my couch yesterday, I realized that it was yet another weekend without someone to share it. Now, before we all get maudlin at the constantly single Tim, I want to point out that it wasn’t necessarily that I was alone this weekend that caused me to go through the “ouda’s.” I am NOT lonely. I am more alone. But, even that wasn’t the point. The point was that I spiraled downward by thinking of all the coulda’s, woulda’s and shoulda’s that happened in my life to lead me to checking emails on my couch by myself on a Sunday morning. And it wasn’t limited to just dating, I began to doubt almost every decision that I had EVER made that got me to this point in my life. That’s the problem with these little “life fragmentation grenades.”

You can’t stew in your “oulda’s” if you’re ever going to figure out how to get what you want. The best thing that you can do is to learn from them, knowing that you can never change them. It’s history, and no matter how you want to rewrite it, it will never change.

When life drops an “oulda” bomb on you, learn from it and learn how to get what you want

Whenever you are confronted by what you shoulda, coulda, or woulda done, you can only sidestep it or block it off, but remember it enough to not make the same mistake again. If you find yourself kicking yourself for something you might have done once, stop and ask yourself, “What can I do THIS time, here and now, that will help me to figure out how to get what I want?”  Trust me, the “oulda” bomb will make you implode into yourself and leave you as quivering mass of “what the’s?” and “why’s?”

Because they come at you in many forms and you often don’t see them for what they are, it’s especially important to recognize them quickly and remove them from your current life’s equation. Once that is done, you can return to how to get what you want out of life.

Trust me, ever since I learned that “IF is the middle word in ‘Life,'” I’ve learned that you will always ask yourself these questions. But, it’s best to use them to figure out where you go from here, NOT to question your life and how it has turned out.

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I’ve Been “Censored.”

Well, not really. But it feels like it.

As the television networks have the Parents Television Council, OffTopicTim has his friends.

Lately, a few of them have been turned off by the cynicism, which they say has grown and infested my latest posts. (The fact that they were about politics, the MOST cynical of entertainment sports, appears to be lost on them. It’s just that John Stewart, Bill Maher and Stephen Colbert have TEAMS of writers to make their cynicism sound funnier.)

Normally, I would react to this “friendsorship” like I do most censorship proponents as a child would to an annoying dog who barks incessantly: I’d swat it on the nose and say, “No!”

But, as I am a struggling writer, with a blog that hasn’t quite received the traction and promotion from those friends that I wish it had, it pains me to say that I need to temper my message a bit to bring in a larger audience. Besides, I still want them to invite me to things, even though a lot of them are unaffordable to me.

A special ‘thank you’ to Doug and Shawn.

But, I really want to thank Doug W. and Shawn P. who have been champions of my blog to their friends and promoting it to their followers and FB friends. Thanks, Guys!!!!

So, with a wounded ego, a fractured self-worth and long spiraling self-esteem, not all of which are the result of getting rapped on the knuckles by friends, I will no longer be writing cynical blog posts about politics, nor any negative pieces about anything on this blog. I’ll continue with “offtopics” that (hopefully) amuse and entertain you all as much as possible. I’ll miss railing against CNN and NBC and their questionable programming choices. And I’ll miss calling out the idiocy of politics here. I’ll even miss talking about bad dates (hell, I’d be grateful for ANY date right now…).

It might turn out that I won’t be able to post every day anymore. The list of drafts in the pipeline will have to be deleted and replaced with other (off)topics.

If you DO want to hear more about politics, send me an email to offtopictim@gmail.com and I’ll direct you to another blog where divergent viewpoints can be shared and political discourse can continue between those who love to hate politics.

Until next time everyone, Happy INDEPENDENCE Day!

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Why “Off Topic Tim?” And what are “off topics?”

(this may be short. I have to see a person about a thing…)

When searching for a catchy name to call my blog, I searched many website addresses. But, none of them really worked. I mean site names like “Timsideas.com” and “whattimthinks” were already taken. Just how many Tim’s are out there, espousing their ideas to the world?

And, since I do own 23 different domain addresses, I COULD have used one of those. But, really, can you see MarySue or Larry Barley typing in “Hotchicksinlove.com,” “Smalltownnudes.com,” or “Outdoorhotties.com” in order to follow their son’s daily blog? Me neither. Besides, although I really DO own those domain names, I am really just squatting on them until the reprobates of the world decide they want to buy them. (Just picture me sitting on my virtual veranda, in a white seer-sucker suit, twisting my mustache…)

P.S. I do have some really, really great, inventive site names if you ever want the list… 🙂 AND some legitimate ones for “Cold Void” and “Cocktails and Movies” as well.

But, after an exhaustive search that seemed like it took days, but was actually probably more like 20 minutes, I came up with “Offtopictim.com.”  It really does encompass the stray thoughts that go zipping through my head. These ideas can be inconsequential, random or brilliant, but all of them need to get out of my head or my brain will begin to look like a Third World slum with lots of voices in lots of languages shouting at each other while hanging up their laundry and cluttering up my head.

As sociable as I am, by nature, I don’t like to talk about MYSELF. And, thankfully, most people don’t really dig deep enough to realize that I am an expert at deflecting talk about me and my life, goals, dreams, etc. back onto them. It’s a great skill to have as a politician but people tell me that my previous life of drinking, partying, and womanizing would never get me elected. Yet, somehow if worked out for the Kennedy’s and George Bush.

This skill of deflecting talk about myself does have a drawback though. Seriously interested and smart people, mostly women, soon realize that all the talk is centered around them, and they can lose interest in yours truly. This is great if you’re dating a 20-something and won’t miss the self-obsessed girl next to you, but when you’re at the age where long-term relationships are trying to be formed, not letting anyone into what’s inside your skull doesn’t lend itself to forward momentum in a relationship.

But, it’s not all about me that is hard to talk about these days. I have thoughts and opinions on most things. And, they are all the right opinions to have. If you’re in my head. I love to accrue even the least newsworthy item into my brain and save it for later. It’s this love that led me to a shot on “Jeopardy!” once (a third place finish, but a shot nonetheless), and a pretty stellar career at Trivial Pursuit and Trivia Bar Games.

However, have you ever tried to have a conversation with family and friends about “off topics” these days. My friends, whom I love to death, casually dismiss my remarks as “weird” or “goofy” and I’m happy to oblige them in letting any ensuing conversation die off, or else I may have to start talking about myself. Their just great conversation starters or, more aptly, conversation-enders.

But, if you ever need a date that can talk to anyone on anything, drop trivia bombs and walk away and won’t embarrass you for a party or an event, I’ll never let you down and I won’t make it about me…

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