Keyword Dating: the new “Hey, how are you?”
It used to be so easy back in my 20’s. I’d hang with my buddies in the bar, imbibing large amounts of Captain and Cokes, scope out the pretty “babies” (also imbibing large amounts of drinks), take laps around the bar, find a beautiful baby that traded similar glances with me, talk large amounts of shit, go home together, see her a few more times and call it “dating.” When you’re in your 20’s, both sides appear to be pretty happy with this form of “dating.”
Entering my 30’s, this process evolved into doing the same thing, only at parties, get togethers and activities.
Now, in my 40’s, with most of my friends now married or dating long-term, and very few of them of willing or able to set me up, I find myself turning to online dating because living in an area such as the South Bay is a lot like living in a small town: you know everyone, have dated a few of them, therefore dating their friends, and the pool of candidates has shrunk substantially. The only REAL difference is that you aren’t related to any of them. I hope. This makes dating very tough. So, I am a late adopter of online dating. I have always likened it to personal ads in the back of newspapers. Except now, writing the words “Do you like pina coladas?” doesn’t find you the love of your life which you didn’t know you already had. Sure, I’ve flirted with it previously at times and have had some success, including a few relationships that have lasted a short time. But, I’ve learned a few things which will make online dating easier for you as it has for me.
Dating itself is a time honored ritual. You meet, court and then get married. Along the way you refer to yourselves as “dating,” “going out,” “boyfriend/girlfriend,” “serious,” “engaged,” then married. As a young adult, it can be fun and entertaining. As an adult, it can be a painstaking task of manuevering through preconceived notions and expectations. Because it has gotten harder to find “the one,” and to save time for those quality females out there, I’ve put together a list of “keywords” that are highly sought after in the digital dating world.
The keywords that get the best results
“Fun,” “Outgoing,” “Smart” – While being TRUE, all of these words indicated that someone is not going to be boring and a fuddy-duddy (contrary to the popular belief of some of my friends that believe I am “boring” when I don’t drink). Taken together, you can see that these words make someone a well-rounded person:
FUN+SMART=LIVELY, BUT ALSO RESPONSIBLE
OUTGOING+SMART=GREAT AT PARTIES, CAN TALK AND CONVERSE WITH ANYONE
“Spiritual,” “Family oriented”
First of all, “spiritual” is a bullshit word that means either A. You grew up religious, but because of a busy schedule (drinking, partying, working, dating, etc.), you choose not to go to anything officially related to you childhood church or, B. You’re an atheist and choose not to tell anyone for fear that would alienate you.
I don’t know where I fall in that group, so I choose “spiritual.” Sue me.
“Family Oriented” – I have a family. I still love them and with any luck, I’ll love my own. But I do allow for the fact that my future wife may not. It’s a delicate balance, so I’m “family-oriented.”
“Active” – It’s not that you ARE active. It’s what you do that makes this keyword so important. Very few people in the online dating world are looking for people that do NOTHING. But, just as few are looking for a date that “can’t live unless I’m confronting death like free shark diving, base jumping, free climbing greased buildings, etc.” I choose a happy medium: golf, SCUBA, volleyball and hiking – although I don’t really a lot of hiking yet – balanced with a healthy dose of TV watching and movie-going.
The biggie. It should be. In “the wild” you are attracted to someone, THEN you make your move. Your online profile usually has pictures, so you can’t really get away with describing yourself as thin if you are not thin (unless you use old pictures, and then you are just an asshole). A few thoughts on describing oneself: there is a difference between “curvy” and “a little extra,” “average” is not the same thing as “fit/athletic,” and “full-figured” and “overweight” are not synonomous.
I choose “average” for myself as until I have a six-pack of abs and can do my laundry on my stomach while taking a shower, I am not “athletic.”
“Diet” is an all-encompassing group category that includes: whether your relationship with alcohol is co-dependent or not, if smoking is only a drinking related activity, and whether or not you are a militant vegan or just a vegetarian that loves sushi and won’t feel bad if have a chicken sandwich from McDonald’s while on a road trip.
And then there is the current keyword that pops up every four years: Republican or Democrat? I once dated a Republican, something I found out AFTER we started dating. This is how the relationship went at times:
Me: “You’re wrong! You can’t honesty believe that”
Her: “No, you’re wrong! And I do believe that”
Me: “Well, f*ck you!”
Me, LATER, as we lay in bed: “I love you.”
Her: “I love you, too!”
Sure, if was fun at times, but in the end we couldn’t see eye-to-eye on this and it was over. There isn’t an online dating site that I know of involving politics. It’s too bad. It could be an adventure in dating!
So, there they are. My keywords? I am looking for a woman who is “fun,” “outgoing,” “smart,” “Democrat,” will eat anything, drinks in moderation and is considered “sexy and fit.”
Basically, I’m looking to date myself.
What are YOUR personal dating keywords? #keyword dating